...sometimes...
Sometimes I have had a lot of negative thoughts. I have wondered if life was worth living.
That is what I thought before I knew that life could give me so much pleasure. I mean I´m might be away from the people I love the most but knowing I have them give me an incredible feeling. I can say; I give love and I´m loved, not just by one person but by a lot of people. Sometimes when we are down we focus on the bad things in life instead of seeing the good things. Every day it breaks my heart being away from the person I love the most, but every day I have the chance to think of him, appreciate him, love him and wanting to be close to him. How many people are living on their own? How many people would kill to get what we have? To share what we share and to be what we are?
I don´t think I´m entitled to complain. I´m one of the luckiest girls in the world, I have a boy to love and to be loved by. I have friends I will never leave and who won’t ever leave me. I have a dream, I have an apartment and I have the freedom of being me. The me that I know I love, and that I´m proud over.
Just like Josh Rouse sings “Nothing gives me pleasure like you do”. Baby never stop being yourself, that´s the person I love and the person I can´t live without. I know I´ve said this a million times before But
I love you. You´ll be in my heart now and forever. And nothing gives me pleasure like you do..
Thank you for giving me a reason to smile...
"Your Guardian Angel"
When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one
I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one
I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay woah, stay woah
Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
“Don´t stop me now… Cause I´m having a good time…”
It´s not that I´ve forgot about this blog, it´s more that I really have no time to write this year. Don´t ask me why and don´t worry about me deleting anything of what I´ve been writing. This blog has help me feel better time and time again! It´s thanks to this one I stand stronger and with more will to live a life I deserve.
I´ve been feeling so good lately that all this time I use to use my blog to make me feel good is not needed. I talk to my boyfriend almost every day and he helps me with surviving all those days it feels like I wanna die. You are lying to yourself if you would say you never feel like everything is fucked up and you don´t have the strength to carry one… But if you are strong enough then you make something good about all of these bad days... Instead of seeing rain as grey, see it as a way for the grass to become green and the earth to keep living… Everything can´t be perfect and filled with joy, but it´s the way of thinking that makes us survive in life…
I´ve gotten a life to be proud over, a boyfriend to love and a personality to start appreciating! I´m working on the last thing and one day I will look myself in the mirror and say I´m a beautiful girl both on the inside and the outside… Nobody can stop me!
I will quote Queens;
“Don´t stop me now… Cause I´m having a good time…”
Thanks for listening!
Live, love and enjoy everyday!
Life, Love and Friendship...
Retardo is back to stay!;) yeah, retardo is me or wait I´m in Spain so it would be Retarda;P haha..
No life is good and I´m just enjoying the life of Madrid.. This time it will be more a adventure of traveling and hanging in Madrid as a good person.. Maybe I´m either bored with going out till like 6-7 in the morning or it´s because I have a relationship now that I care more about.. He totally suports me in anything, but when I have him I don´t really need to drink a shit load or dance my ass off:P haha..
No gotta tell you short about who this boy is, who concured my heart;
We meet over a dating page online, talked on the phone and decided to meet aswell. He came to see me and it was (believe it or not) almost love at first sight. He understands me and he let´s me be who I am.. He is the boy of my dreams and not at all like any other guy I meet. Just to have somebody telling you to do what you feel is right, even if it involves a trip to Spain and not see me or talk to me in real life for 10 months.. (Sure he is coming here and I´ll be home over christmas, but anyways I love him for supporting me)... He lives in the north of Sweden and if everything goes as we planed I´ll be moving up there when I get back from Spain..=) But that is if we are still togheter , if not then I´m probobly doing another year of living abroad..=)
So I´m back in madrid and just enjoying my time.. Of course it´s not like last time but I couldn´t be happier in who I am and why I´m here...=) I love the family of which I´m staying with and I couldn´t feel more at home..=) I also live close to the center..;)
Well gotta go and pick up Olaya..=)
Talk later and PS; have another blogg about Madrid now, it´s in Swedish but it has some nice pics:)
Love and Peace Out!
Me and Crille...<3
öh ej bra
....I love you....
I´m not broken anymore, I´m living, I´m not sad anymore, I´m happy, I´m not hating anymore, I´m loving!
It´s so weird, never thought a person could have that influence on me but I guess he did! He made me see that the world has more colors than black and white, it is more or less grey...=) He gave me sun on the clawdy days, he showed me that there is a way to be happy... The way is called love, I could never dream about caring and loving a person like I love him... He is my whole world and I feel like I can fly when he is right beside me...
Being in Spain and without him beside me is hard, but knowing he is there for me no matter what is a comfort nobody can ever understand...
"I love him today and I love him tomorrow, not only because he makes me forget the pain and sorrow.
He gave me his heart, promised to never teare mine apart
and now I love him till the end of days, and forever I´ll remember that cute face!"
I love you darling, and not affraid for the world to know!<3
Wonderful morning!
I was looking at this movie like 2 years ago with my cousin, not younger cousin but like 6 years older cousin and we really liked it.=) Daddy always thinks I´m crazy for seeing childrens movies, but we gotta keep the child inside alive.=)
Sitting in my brothers room and watching this movie again bringings me back to those days when everything was easy. You know when we saw the days as something fun and enjoyable. It took me a few tenage years to realize that everything could still be fun and enjoyable...
I´ve meet so many amazing peopel along the way in my life, some I have the blessing to see every day and some I see only now and then.... It dosen´t matter, you are all in different ways a part of my heart..
A few weeks ago I had another blessing, a guy came into my life and he gave me some new flashy lights... I see what I want to see and I love what he has given me and what he is.. It´s very strange but he moved me in a new way and I can´t tell you how happy this last few weeks have been... Everything is just going my way right now.=)
Some normal stuff as well;
Yesterday me and dad started to see the movie "What happends in Vegas" and guess what? haha, it was only recorded like 48 min so dad didn´t get to see the end... It cracked me up, but he was complaining (I´ve seen the movie before btw)....
Hm.. ?Que mas? Voy a Madrid muy pronto para trabajar y estudiar mucho espanol! Quiero hablar muy bien cuando mi ano en Espana esta terminada...;)
So what more? Fixed som photos and developed them as well..=) On Facebook you can find some new once..=)
Well I gotta dash for some breakfast!
Love peace and HAPPINESS!
"All we need is love" I agree, Beatles....
Dreams?
I mean spending time with some people feels like a dream, how can I think that it really does happend? Take this weekend for example, spend 3 amazing days with my boyfriend and today I saw him again.. Tomorrow we will be hanging out a few more hours and then I´ll be hitting the buss on wensday to go home.. But how can I know that this all really happends? It still feels like i will be waking up soon and it will all be just another day dream...
When dreams become a part of your day then maybe it makes you confused. My life is for sure confusing, maybe too much sometimes and maybe too little at other times... It all makes sence if your tired, believe me;) Need to sleep so bad now and no sleeping morning tomorrow cause my brother and his girl (I live with them for a few days) will be getting up at about 7-ish... SO snore!=P
I went shopping today; 2 shoes, 1 jacket, pantihoes, a "dress" and some more small stuff..=)
Well can´t write more cause my eyes are shutting down...
Love life and live fully!
How can we ever know?
"I am only this way because of what you have made me, but I aint gonna break...." (Pink)
It´s so true, never let yourself down unless you have decided it´s for your own good.. It can never be for your own good, so what I´m really saying is NEVER let yourself down..=)
When people tell you what way to go, or what direction to chose, then we can get very confused. But never go against your own instinct... If your guts tells you no, why decide yes? If you wanna turn left but they say right, why do you have to lisen to them? Go your own way, make your own descions, lay down your own set of rules and play the ball in the goal when you think the time is right. Nobody can tell you wrong if you know your right..=)
I was wondering the other day, what makes us who we are; The way we look? The way we act? The way we smell? Or simply all of those things put togheter? If I take away the Moa act, or the Moa-smell or even the Moa-look.. Then who would I be?
Life is full of weird things, maybe my blogg is one of them or maybe it is the only thing in this world making sence? Who am I to tell you what to think, or who are you to judge my blogg based on only the lyrics in my writing? What is said between the lines is what creats what should be created.. Maybe it´s not supposed to make sence or maybe it got lost in the translation?
Questions leads to questions, who leads to other question who might lead to answer... How can we ever know?
Just thoughts...
I meet the boy of my dreams last weekend and now I wonder how I could deserve him? I mean, he is a fairytale come true and what am I? A nightmare? No, I know what I am, I´m amazing and I´m glad somebody finally could see that!=) Not shallow but I know who I am!=)
Live, Love and Peacefulness!
You put a smile on my lips...
So, life is great! I have everything I could ask for, a few more weeks to Spain, a few more days with Crille and still 2 paychecks rolling in!=) Life can´t always be what we want it to be BUT we can make it work. It will be hard going away from somebody like C, but I know if it is meant to be we could make it work. We will have Skype, Web cam, MSN and we will see each other at Christmas.. We are still just new for each other so maybe the Spain thing will destroy some stuff, but still I can´t stay home and he tells me he understands (let´s just hope he really does).=) From what I´ve seen, he is amazing! I never had a boy in my life who told me he would wait for me, who has had that?=) So I´m more than (sorry for the expression) blessed with what we have.=)
Hm... I wont be one of those anoying girls who talks about their boy 24/7, I promise! Well other stuff that is new in life? Hm... working my last week next week and have a working weekend now, next one I´ll be going to the northen parts of Sweden and hopefully see the new Swedish movie "Sommar med Göran".=) Looks funny!=)
Cleaned my room yesterday; 2 big garbage bags, 2 recycle bags and 2 that went up on our first floor (yeah we have 3, sounds quite big but it´s just a normal house in Sweden=))... Now I´m chilling before hell breaks lose, and that is work.. I´m hoping that one thing wont happend there today but wont know untill I know..=P
Well should pack my lunch and dinner bag and get ready.. Start at 12 and end at 21:00 (9pm)...
Live and love life!
http://www.favoritposter.se/images/uploads/Miniposter/Mp_10%206553%20Bench%20Kiss.jpg
I´ve heard sorry too many times...
So far this summer I´ve read a few books; 3 from Norah Roberts (a serie if books called the emeralds of Bianca. The shoppaholic and a few more..=) I´ll recomend all of them, just kinda read one crappy one. It was called Brazilia and NO way I could finish it... So bad!
Just been doing a few things lately, working mostly,,, I´m not too sick of everything, I guess I´ve been mostly sick of who I am or what I became lately... Like, I don´t know... Sometimes we just feel trapped in a pathern that we don´t feel to comfy about.. Which leads us to complain and wish we where someplace else but we´re not....
Live life to the extream, never look back and love every min of it!
Peace, Love and Happiness...
Living life in the shadows....
I can´t help how I feel right now, I feel trapped, I feel like I don´t belong in this anymore... Like I wrote before, I´m a ballon waiting to pop, a car waiting to crash and a sour milk waiting to get thrown away... I´ve stopt pretending and I stopt wishing for better things to come.. I do need space to get away, to try my own thing but I can´t I´m stuck in the middle... I miss the life I use to live, the life I use to have, the life I deserve......
I start to wonder if I deserve happiness or maybe I have to be like this forever? Can I take another fucking day of this?
I´m not being a child but I´m becoming sick of this... Maybe this Swedish life isn´t for me anymore? Or maybe this town is wrong? Not sure, all I know I need to do something soon or I can´t take it anymore... Oh Fuck it!!!
Happiness? HA, fuck happiness....
Happy Birthday to myself!
I was actually expecting a crappy shitty birthday morning. But woke up at around 9-ish.. feelt great, started to watch a movie (a swedish one called Rallybrudarna) it seams good.. haven´t finished it because my brother came and wanted to see Midsummer and as a good hearted sister we watched it togheter...
Then I´ve been making a Peace background for my new computer, looks kinda crappy but hey... it was a bit fun at least...
I have had 3 calls this morning, 1 from my grandparents who always playes a cute little melody box and then wishes happy Birthday!=) Then my parents 2, they sang the first time and then my mom called me back later..=) They feel bad they aren´t here, so I can play that card later on...hehe...
Well gotten 7 text messages about birthday wishes, and 9 facebook comments! Since when did I become that popular?=D haha...
Well invited some people over for cake today; made 2 in case more people turns up... We will at least be 7 or 8 with me.. and maybe 2 more might be coming..=)
But a birthday with out parents are weird, and the same without any kind of presents.. Oh well turning 21 is not too much thrill because I have to travel to the states to get some value of the years I´ve now got... =) Drinking age there darlings!=)
haha, makes me sound like a party chick huh;)?
But I´ve been promised to party like a Rockstar or a 21 year old looking for some fun.... Who would like to join us?=)
So gotta tell you fast about yeasterday, my brother called me at 12 at night wanting me to pick him up.. So got out of bed and picked him up.. He was a bit tipsy or really drunk..=P Whatever, but he is nicer now to me than he has ever been.. So I guess that is great I picked him up;) hehe.....=P
Well got some fun cleaning to do before my guessts starts to show up!=)
Love, Peace and Happiness!
3 doors down in my heart!
"Theres a difference in spending time with me and killing time while I´m there.... Too many people and too many things and it makes me feel like hell...." (3 Doors Down - Right where I belong)
"Look what you did, is this who you wanted me to be. It´s not me....." (3 Doors Down - It´s not me)
"I´m trying to be somebody, I´m not trying to somebody else....." (3 Doors Down - Be somebody)
Skön cover;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yu34GB83ngo&feature=related
This songs brings me up when I´m down, and down when I´m up... There is a reason to why I started to lisen to them again, I recognize myself in the lyrics and they make me feel complete... Is that weird? Yeah, but what isn´t?
Sometimes I feel like I´m drawn down to earth and sometimes I´m reaching for the stars.. It´s so hard being a person who feels like she dosen´t belong anywhere... Like a piece of me is gone.. But problems I´m facing is that I don´t know how to find them or when I lost them,.... Reading this you might think Im depressed? But actually I´m not, we can´t be sad over something we lost a while ago but be happy of what we have and what we will get... I do love life and I´m enjoying the most days but somedays I feel like jumping of a bridge... Truthfully? If I haven´t done it yet I woulden´t worry too much..=P
I´m getting excited about letting a new person enter my life.. I hope it happends soon and that this person can help completing me like no one else have succeded with... Wouldn´t it be my time yet?
Soo not sure about the plans for tonight... please help me decide!
Love, peace and freaking happiness!;)
"ballon waiting to pop"
Anyways, life could not be more perfect or less perfect.. It´s okey and so am I...(I guess?)
Have a few free days now, and then I will be working a few hours on friday..=) Hopefully celebrating my B-day this weekend;) But you never know..=P I hope people could surprise me with some fun drinks or something:d haha.. But don´t have anybody who would do that for me.. If it´s good or bad, hm... not sure?
Soon 2 of my babes will be here and I will become taken care of! I miss and I love both of them so much... So glad to have them back by my side!=)
And I´m thinking about getting a new tattoo or a new piercing... What you guys think?=)
Loving LIFE!=)
Kiss & Peace!
